The "Right" Track

I know, I know, but hiatus sometimes is what a girl needs.

Haven't been around as much as I usually am just because being at home has its advantages, such as other diversions that keep me from my lifeline, the internet. That and I've been hella busy doing other shit around here. From the LSAT classes on the weekends to my new class at Loyola to my hardcore studying for the LSAT which is in !!5 days!! I've been freaking out a little bit, and just haven't had the strength to come on here and pour my heart out to yous guys.

But here I am. My dreams have been haunted lately by stuff concerning the LSAT. Hard to believe a mere booklet of paper can alter the course of my entire life, but no matter what the people at Kaplan test prep say, it really can. I've always been one concerned about being on the "right" track, and my life's always had a plan.

I'm not the best student in the world, but even in my less responsible moments, I've always been an ambitious girl. As you know, at one point I intended to be a doctor, but when that didn't work out I was freaking out because I knew that I had to decide something soon in order to graduate in 4 years so my life would be "on track". Not having a plan doesn't suit me. I don't like surprises.

And to be completely honest, I think that's part of the reason why Josh and I broke up.. I've seen what happens when women derail themselves for love. With my aunt, who was a brilliant girl at Spelman college, her love for my sorry-ass ex-uncle made her drop out of school and not finish college until she was like 49 years old. He wanted to get married and then there wasn't enough money for the both of them to go to school, so she waited for him.

And he cheated on her until he left her.

That's not me at all. I know that love is a big part of life, and I'm not discounting the idea that it can happen anyplace and anytime. But I don't want the kind of love that derails the rest of my life unless the track it leads me on is going to be much better, much richer, and leave me a better person. Since there's no guarantee, at least I can say that, on my track I've done what I wanted. And there's no one else to blame for failure (God forbid it happens) but myself. That's something I can live with.

Anyways, it looks like it will all work out. I've got all confidence for a great score on the LSAT and a competitive law school. And even though life is hectic these days it'll all work out.

I really attribute this good feeling to my new day-glo orange panties. Yay lingerie.

Be good but have fun.