I'm officially a world class senior...

...and world class citizen, but not a world class senior citizen. That blew your mind, didn't it?


I just finished my last final today which means that I'm officially a senior class member who will be graduating in May 2006. It's exciting yet scary in a wonderful, wonderful way. It's amazing how in 2002 I was just here at the crossroads of my life and waiting for something wonderful to happen. Now, with the anticipation and the attention of a toddler, I'm impatient for the next phase to begin. I guess this means I'm one step closer to becoming an adult.

Question: Is it me or do you feel a bit dumber the older you get?

How weird is that? :) I remember being 15 and 16 and believing that I could handle this all on my own and didn't need advice, that as soon as I got to college that I'd become this completely different and better person who had a ton of friends and made a long "thing" with Josh, blah blah. But turns out that here I am on the verge of 20 and I'm not that way at all--thankfully. Maybe I'm coming around, beginning to like who I've turned out to be. I love being the person that can make people laugh in the dining hall with my toilet humor even though they've had a shitty day. I love that when people want to go out they come down and knock on my door to ask what I'm wearing. I love being drunk-dialed. I love giving advice.

Who am I kidding: I fucking love people.

So.. the end of the year's here and this might just be nostalgia coupled with some indigestion from grease sponges I consumed at Wendy's a little while ago in the form of a chicken sandwich. No matter. Right now I feel like spreading a little bit of cheer.

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Josh has been bugging me to come out there and see him since I'd mentioned that me and the girls planned to do a little mid-day drinking session here in my room. He even offered to get plastered with me if I came out here, which you may or may not know he never does due to his claim that drinking makes him full before he can ever get drunk. Now, I dont' claim that he's full of shit, but I've personally seen women half his size/weight down 5 drinks, and I myself (being a lightweight) can usually do 4 and only have a nice buzz. Anyways.. I told him I'd rather not drink at his house; I'm pretty damned loud when inebriated hehe. He persisted and offered to take me to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, his treat. He apparently misses me or something and just wants to say goodbye.. for like the 3rd time.

It's not that I don't miss him too, but at what point is this breakup a breakup? When are we going to acknowledge that we are no longer together, and no amount of doing it will bridge the gap that's formed? Part of me wants to go out cuz I know I could be feeling like that, but the other part just knows that going out there=going back in. Last time I was there I was sad and wanting the affection but I just didn't feel he was all there. And now he wants it and I dunno what I should do. So right now I'm just taking time to think about it. We'll see what happens.