I feel like throwing up.. my roommate was watching this show about plastic surgery and how it changed this girl's life on MTV.. I wish she wouldn't watch crap like that.. I know it has absolutely nothing to do with me or my life but it just makes me feel shitty to find out how great ppls lives are after they get work done. It makes me feel like no matter what how nice you look naturally you still need work done to be perfect and you're never good enough.

But that's just me ranting.

Anyway, I said goodbye to my romantic relationship with Josh for the sixth and final time (I dunno if that count is accurate at all) and I feel like throwing up. I wanted to cry a little earlier but instead I went outside and wrote some stuff down until I felt better.. then I basically tried to keep myself occupied until I could calm down. Now I just feel like going to bed and sleeping until late tomorrow and not really caring about anything but that of course is impossible. I still have to put forth effort in my studies so that at the end of the year, when I'm in the mood to care, I can actually show that this year was useful. I doubt I'll get a good grade out of the lab that I have work due for, but ah well.

I don't feel like killing myself, but I do feel sad. And to be honest I really didn't expect to feel that way. Josh still wants to chat and everything but I don't want to.. not because I do'nt want to be friends but I don't want to end up back in a stagnating relationship because that's not enough for me. It's time to move into life's next phase. And so I'm gonna do that by taking an hour or so nap. Later.