Dunno what to say to you guys lately.. Lots of stuff has been going on internally, but to the outside world all I've been is sound and fury with no substance. I suppose that's how they see me most of the time anyway, though.

I've had lots of meetings for the RA class and also some regarding my recent incident with the suicide contemplation/attempt and also LGBT issues. I suppose that it's all been making me crazy and I'm feeling totally marginalized even more as a black woman who's now considering whether or not she's bi? I mean, damn, do I need anymore discrimination? I think not.

Anyway, I thought I was alone in thinking that sexuality is fluid and changes as you get older, but it turns out that several people have said the exact same thing to me over the past few days. Wow. How does stuff like that happen? I just dunno. But anyways, besides questioning, I've also been doing a little sleuthing on LGBT informational websites. I thought most of this stuff was a load of crap, but then maybe I was forcing myself into the little box marked, "Laura" that I'd made for myself so many years ago. Gay people are cool, though. Most of the time they don't rub your own stupidity in your face like a lot of 'hetero's do.

I just want to be alone for a little while, actually, but I know this is the only time I'll get to be independent before I go home and back to the parental rules that restrain me so much. Ah well. And another big minus is that this is the last month that I can see Josh, and I can't even see him this coming weekend cuz I got shit to do. I find myself wishing things were different for us both.. maybe there's a little resentment there... I just feel so bad expressing it because I know he does want to be with me and maybe we're having the same types of problems, but i just get so upset at thinking I'm graduating in a year and if all goes as planned we'll be back where we started with me back in IL and him here in MI. I wish he had finished and gotten a job, or a car, or a place, or all those adult things we're supposed to do when we get older. I haven't done them yet but I do feel like I've stretched myself to the limit for "us", you know?

I am such a complainer about Josh. It feels like with me there's always something wrong. *shakes her head at herself*

Anyways, umm.. I should have been in bed hours ago because I have to start work tomorrow morning bright and early at 8am. But I do get to sleep naked cuz my roommate's gone for the weekend. YAY naked sleeping!! So that's pretty much it. I'm out.