I wish summer would hurry up and come.

Yet another beautiful summerlike day in early April.. I mean it brought out the topless guys with pecks and abs you could scrub laundry on.. so hott.. But anyway, I did enjoy the sunshine and the mild breeze that blew across the diag. I even phoned both my parents while they were at work and chatted them up a bit, so I'm feeling pretty good.

Well, emotionally I might not be so fine.. There's always something, you know? This time it's more self-consciousness about my body. I always notice things that other people can't probably even fathom, but maybe that's just due to me not really liking myself very much. I never have. One day I'll take some initiative and get off my ass and make some changes. That will probably be later sometime in May, I'm thinking. :)

I started a new blog where nobody knows me really, and it's nice to have that anonymity. Not sure if I'm even giving out the information for that one since it's so hard to get privacy back once I've given it away. So I'll post on here until I get tired of doing that. Oh, and I'm also keeping my paper journal these days as well, so there's just a lot of cathartic writing going on which is helping me out somewhat.

To be honest, I feel alright about the breakup mostly during the week.. I don't feel like less of a person like I thought I would without knowing that Josh was there to cuddle with and exchange words of love with, etc. We chat sporadically but there are long silences.. and that's not necessarily uncomfortable since we never talked very much anyway. I guess that was a blessing in disguise. And maybe it's good that we didnt' see each other very often cuz now I don't feel the pangs of withdrawal so much. Weeks just feel like normal weeks and now nights have evened out to normal nights. I don't feel lonely in bed and I'm far from cold. So maybe that means things will be alright in the end. Not that I'm completely over everything, but it's better than it was, say, last week. Honestly I think it'll get easier with time, and that's a good thing (right, Martha?) hehe.

So umm.. that's pretty much it. Love you guys.