Today was a really beautiful day for the simple fact that it included sunshine and flip flops on March 30th. People of all ages shed their black clothes for bright ones and the color palette once again included hot pink, frog green, and the yellow of a chick's down. It was nice.

I kept my mind on other things than the breakup and it seemed to go alright until in my more silent moments.. I did a lot of class and chatting with people about different things. This one girl actually came to me about a serious problem and I was able to provide her with good counsel, which made me feel good about myself.. I really like doing that. And now she's alright, which makes me even happier for her. Then I went to read the articles for RA class. One was a personal account of a black female lesbian which went into some detail about her experience with finding out she was a lesbian at an HBCU. She wasn't well accepted (duh, the Black community is notoriously heinous when it comes to the idea of homosexuality. there's very little tolerance for it) and her personal space was trashed by her own roommate. It was a little disconcerting to read, but what stuck with me even more was the way she described her experience with finding her lover whose name (in the story) was Love. She talked about the things they did together (I came across the word "nipples" and the word "pussy" appeared twice) in such a provocative way. Maybe I was a little turned on, but I think it was more a little weirded out mainly. I still am not sure where I fit in with the whole thing.. I know I am definitely very attracted to men, but the idea of an encounter like that is exciting. It's so hard to sort out my feelings about it into neat little packages.

And it gets more difficult when it comes to placing myself into a category around my peers. I assume all of them are straight because when we've done exercises that have asked us to identify that's where they've all gone.. I dunno if I'm the only one who's been conflicted about that labelling rather recently (cuz until then I've kept my attraction to women as my dirty little sexual secret) and I don't want them to know and judge me negatively or as some token since I'm a minority in three respects now.. Geez society is so needlessly complicated.

I'm a little lonely and remembering what it was like to come home and chat with Josh daily about how our days were and send little love notes was so nice. I don't know what will ever take the place of that in my life.. It is comforting to know that my family cares about me a great deal, and my friends would never let me forget that there are people I'm not related to who care about me. I couldn't be more thankful for that and I'll take every chance I get to remind myself of that fact so that I don't get down in the dumps again. Cuz this summer is gonna be busy with no time for moping. If I'm alone I will definitely make it okay.

And masturbation is going to come in extremely handy--pun intended. ;-)

I gotta go do some more homework, so later.