I dont know what my problem has been with sitting down for hours at a time lately. Perhaps it's the allure of starting something new come the end of next week that has me feeling so flighty about writing anything. I've been blowing hours of time doing absolutely nothing productive and it's felt amazing so far...

And I've been dealing with my feelings for Josh and other men... I have the desire to not think about us right now. We spent last night together yet again because I have little willpower especially when it comes to thinking about being alone, and part of me is just not willing to let that be over with us. I'm such a fucking idiot too because while Josh hasn't been mean or anything like that he's made it painfully clear that he plans to move on and fuck other women without the trouble of a committed relationship. Surprise surprise, that hurts me. And when I woke up this morning with that on my mind all I wanted to do was leave. We showered together and then I left feeling better but still wanting to get the hell out. I wish I could see life through "fuckitall" glasses when it comes to him and me. I know that the memories are worth the crappy feelings but the crappy feelings certainly feel crappy.

I want to meet a string of really nice guys who just want to hang out without thinking about the possibility of relationships. I want to chat with them about male-female relationships and get drunk and make out with them and talk about sex without getting feelings tangled up in that shit. I want to go out and party and not worry about feeling lonely or sad or unsexy, etc. It would only take like 3 guys to make that happen too. I should join a group where lots of people hang out or something.

Can't wait for my friends/associates to come home this summer so we can blow this fascist popsicle stand. It's gonna be one hell of a summer full of drinking and much debauchery; I'm promising myself. No more committed relationships for at least the next few years. I want to be sure this one's out of my system.

I need to either sew my vagina shut or disconnect its wires to my heart in order to make it through life. It'll probably end up as the latter. Not that I'll be a slut, but you get the idea. Mothers, lock up your sons cuz Laura's back on the market and it's looking like one hell of a sale to me.

Peace out and leave love to professionals: celebrities!