Complaining 101 for non-dance majors

I've noticed that I tend to complain a lot, especially in situations where I feel hopelessly inadequate. It's those times where I feel like talking, my strong point, will alleviate some of the pressure and stress on my fragile spirit. Yeah, after all the stuff I've put myself through I'd still describe me as fragile. In a way, maybe I'm fragile in that I allow people to see my vulnerability while others don't. Does that make me, therefore, more vulnerable or unintelligent--in a word, weak? I'm not really sure.

Those who see the glass as half empty would say that allowing others to see one's shortcomings makes one vulnerable and, consequently, at a disadvantage. Those who take a more optimistic view would perhaps value the honesty that a person like me brings with her openness. So where do I fit in, as a realist? I'd say it pretty much does suck a lot of the time, especially when there are so few people willing to be vulnerable in this world. Maybe it goes back to what I said yesterday about how it's unlikely that people will make drastic changes anytime soon, that we're basically the same person we always have been, etc. In some situations people do tell me they value my honesty and open nature, but those times are so few and far between that I wonder if it's worth it.

I suppose what brought all this up was my horrible inadequacy in dance class. As a person who enjoys doing things well the first time around, I was really rather upset with my teacher's choreographing 30 different gestures (one for each of us as we expressed on the first day of class) into a dance that she both choreographed and performed in a span of 30 minutes. Keeping in mind that this is Modern Dance 101 for nonmajors, I (and probably most of us were as well) was feeling overwhelmed. This was my first experience with dance in a long time, and I belive I learn best when allowed to watch someone do something over and over and over again, slowly, so as to break down their movements into their basic forms and then recombine them. A person with natural talent--a dancer--would be able to see something and then force her body to move as such with little problem. I am not yet a dancer, hence the 101 class for nonmajors. There were people who had taken dance from kindergarten through high school and they were looking with contempt, but I thought to myself, "You all have tons of experience. The last time I danced was when I was about 5, and my mom removed me from the program before our first performance. So keep your annoyance to yourself." I hate when I suck. *sigh*

But again, that's where the complaining thing kicks in. I want to train myself to be a more positive person. That, coupled with my realist tendencies will keep me from suicide, lol. Well.. maybe that's not so funny. But it's true.

I have about 3 more hours until my next class. Man I love my schedule.

Later, all.