God knows I love her, but sometimes my mother can be really short-sighted and talks about one thing all the time. And there are times when her priorities are out of order. And then there's the thing about her where if you don't do it her way then you haven't done it right, and if she did it ever, the way it was done was perfect. I get so sick of "Well, I just don't understand __________" that I dunno if I can stand to hear her say it again.

Here's the thing. When I try to share with her how I'm a little afraid of real relationships with people, she just gets all over how she would live life differently, blah blah.. I mean, these are my mistakes to make and regret and that's just how it is. Hearing how she would have done things perfectly does not in any way help me. I just wish she would for once be an understanding and caring person and just listen to someone else's problems without prescribing what she thinks is best--just listening. And then not pat herself on the back when she actually listens for once because that cheapens the whole experience. I am completely frustrated with her sometimes.

And my dad is even worse. I guess that's what I get for being such a homebody.. I get fed up with my dad even more so. We just installed an alarm system and my dad doesn't know how to turn it off when we come back into the house. But he's the first one to run and open the door and then stand, flabbergasted, looking at the panel and yelling for me to turn it off. If you don't know what you're doing, stay the fuck away from stuff.. hello? Does that not make sense? Geez.

*sigh* And what's more on my gripe entry, this girl who I don't like invited me somewhere and when I said I'd rather not go she goes on to insult me (well not insult me cuz it was the truth, but I really believe she meant it as an insult). I just wish the right people would come along, or that I could change and be a more interesting person or whatever. As it stands right now I have zero memories. I must be the worst twenty-something in the world.

Damnit every time I write in this journal I realize just how low my self-esteem really is. Ugh.. I don't feel like dealing with it now.