Lately I've been spending a bit of time thinking about the next step on the pathway of life. Right now I'm in the second semester of my junior year of undergrad here at U of M, with a cumulative GPA of 2.8 and a few activities under my belt, including some future prospects, i.e. RA in Barbour/Newberry next year. The time has come (if it hasn't come already) to make sure that all pieces of my life are in place such that I can sell myself to the board of admissions for medical schools at the end of the winter semester 2006. Actually, it will be sooner than that, which makes me more than a little nervous.

Going into medicine has been one of my dreams since I was a little girl. I could always see myself helping other people in that manner because it was something they would need and would come to me for. That way, I could help them without it being invasive, you know, because they sought me, etc. Something about that has always appealed to me. Initially I wanted to go into pediatrics because I wanted to help fellow children like myself; however, once I grew up and realized I didn't like kids all that much, things changed. Now I'm really interested in obstetrics and gynecology. I think it'd be awesome to facilitate the birthing process, experiencing growth on a daily basis. Not only that, but I see there are lots of women in the world who are totally clueless about their bodies because not enough research has been done in that area.. Not that I want to do research, but I want to bring what research has been done to the masses and educate, primarily. Through the spyglass of my mind I see myself opening my own ob/gyn practice with an attached counseling pavilion in order to provide a place where not only women but also men and families can come and gain the tools they need to be healthy physically and mentally. And I'd like to do the high school circuit, educating classes on their options when it comes to sex and contraception. That seems like such a rewarding prospect, you know?

I know that those are lofty goals when I consider what I'm working with now as far as collegiate performance. For one, I'm an English major. That hasn't stopped anyone so far, but my performance in science has definitely been lacking, not to mention the fact that I've procrastinated in biochemistry and two semesters of physics with their labs because I'm scared witless of going into a den of lions and being eaten alive. I often find myself wondering if careers are something to which people are A. called and B. given natural ability. If simply A., then I should be doing much better because I think this is what I was put on earth to do. If simply B., then I may as well surrender my white flag right now. If both, then I have no clue what to do except press on and see what happens, for better or worse. If I don't make it into med school, perhaps I can get a graduate degree and work as a GSI until I get my PhD or something. But I can't imagine whiling away my time among books and writing tablets. I love English, but in my heart I don't think that's enough to satisfy me.

Maybe that means I'm the kind of person who wants a challenge. That's what I got when I came to U of M, to be sure. Getting in was easy, I thought. But staying here has been the real challenge. I doubt that medical school will be as easy an attempt, though, and that has my teeth chattering and my hair standing on end. As time draws me closer to the dreaded MCAT, I'm wondering what it will reveal. And I'm wondering if it means I have what it takes to make a good doctor. Ugh.. so many questions swim around in this little aquarium I call my brain.

This weekend I assume will find me studying the second semester of organic chem. It's not fun, but it's a necessary evil in order to get to where I need to be. And I hope that this nervous/cautious optimism will last through the end of the semester.

For once, this isn't a post about romance. As a matter of fact, while I have been feeling a little lonely, I don't think I've really been interested much in romance. That could be a temporary thing due to the cycles of the moon and the female body, but whatever. Time will tell.