I haven't been around these parts in so long it's almost foreign to me. I spent the holidays at my aunt's house in Las Vegas, so Christmas was relatively warm for us there. It was funny to watch the locals all bundled up with hats, scarves, gloves, and thick sweaters in 45-degree weather. I was wearing a nice light spring leather jacket and an I'm-heartier-than-you smile.

If you can believe it, yup, I'm still alive even after Christmas. There were some rough spots being home before we left for Vegas on Thursday, but with a little bit of staying in my room and hiding, I was able to make it. Once Christmas came, things were a bit better. I got wayyyy more crap than I expected, and I thought we were poor because of me! It was a real nice surprise. My grandma bought me some pajamas and even though it sounds really cliche (I know there's supposed to be an accent aigu over that e but I'm on a laptop now), they were friggin awesome blue fleece that I never ever wanted to take off. My uncle bought me a cool gift--he's never really bought me anything--which was unexpected. And I got other nameless stuff that turned out to be great because I came to Christmas expecting to unload more than I loaded up. We had to even bring an extra bag home with us to pack all the stuff we racked up. Yay. And when I got home this morning at 2am CST there was another gift waiting for me on my bed. Woohoo.

As far as living life goes, I think I'm okay for the time being. It's amazing how sometimes being with family can be an okay place for you to recharge your batteries a little. Of course there are always the usual spats, but besides that, it's alright. I feel more rested and a lot less stressed than I did when I was in Ann Arbor. Of course, all that stuff will still be there waiting for me when I return, so I dunno how comforting that is... hehe.

Josh and I chat almost regularly still... It's painful talking to him sometimes, and I find myself wondering somewhere in the back of my mind about what's going on in his love life, whether he's happier without what we had going... I don't know. This is an inappropriate time for me to date; I know that deep inside. I don't even want to anyway because we all know that men are scary and stupid and should be avoided until we can make superior dildos such that we don't need them anymore. Take them all to sperm banks when they're 17 if you wanna have a baby--then get rid of 'em. The world would be a much better place. Despite my man-hating bravado facade, I still miss the hell out of Josh and memories of being with him just make me feel sad. And then I get headaches, which doesn't help anything. So I usually just try not to think about him, which works about as well as a bull in a china shop.

Of course I'm dissatisfied, you know, but I suppose that this little period has taught me that that's no real reason to stop living. And alot of times I really don't want to continue but it would hurt a heckuva lotta people if I didn't. And even more than that I'm sure I'd miss out on some really nice things about life. To be honest with myself though, I won't make any plans for anything longer than I'm sure I can make this work.

I'm gonna chill awhile before going to pick up my aunt from the airport.