transmissions from the margin

I've never claimed to be a perfect person, and I don't expect that other people will be either. I've made my share of racist jokes at one point or another, and there's always a small part of me that cringes in spite of the laughter, knowing that it's not right. Despite these shortcomings, however, I consider myself considerate enough of other people not to really go there unless I'm comfortable enough with them to make that kind of remark.

The sad part is that, in this world, I'm constantly reminded that I'm a black person. The problem isn't that I don't want to be black, but that I have to be reminded of it constantly. Whether people are actively doing things to me or not, I still have to think about it. That's what's not fair. I try to get some people to understand that the fact that I bring it up to them doesn't imply that I believe them to be racists.. and it's really sad that all arguments about difference are reduced to that point. I don't believe that all white people are overt racists, or even the vast majority. I believe that a lot of white people (and other races as well) are guilty of buying into the system because it serves their purposes. And even though those purposes aren't always for the good, I believe that going along with the system is much easier than pushing against the mob.

I think that it's really sad that some people feel that me having a problem with something that affects me personally as a black person is a sign of weakness. I am not a weak person in need of constant reassurance, and it is wrong for a person capable of sensitivity to ignore or assume that sensitivity is unnecessary. It is wrong to assume that we are all on equal footing; we are not. Despite all the gains that society has made to equalize, women are still shortchanged with pay and nonwhites are just that: nonwhites. We are marginalized against a standard that uses white people as the normal. It is unfair that people think that this argument is a position that should be held by blacks, and that my blackness is the only reason I hold these beliefs. It seems as though because of that fact, this argument becomes trivialized. Life's not fair, but I shouldn't just have to "deal with it". It should be made equitable.

Sometimes I feel like white people have "allowed" us into "their" world. I want to feel entitled to a space where I am, as a person, legitimized--not because of my skin tone or my vagina, but because I am me.


Thus ends my rant for today.