I've been having troubles with blogger all day.. it's funny how when I most feel like typing something I can't.. weird.

Anyways...

So this breakup thing is hard, but life goes on. Sometimes I wish I had a single so I could just shut the door to the world and sleep until--well, whenever. I suppose my free moments I spend with my head cocked to the right staring off into space and thinking about nothing much at all except what my life must look like in the space of relationships: sorta blackness. It's my fault, just like it always is. And maybe things will get better with time, but I can't be optimistic about the future when it sucks so much just getting through right now.

Olivia's been good though. She doesn't let me lay around very much.. This weekend she had all her friends over so I didn't have much of a moment to myself, and then she even invited me out with them a couple of times. I felt bad refusing such a generous offer so.. whatever. I basically am stringing along so many activities I don't have a chance to get super down again. That sucked.

On to more pressing things, though: my friend who I'm sure I've mentioned countless times here in this blog has come back into my life. Amazing how he picks the opportune times to come back in, like he has a damn secret video camera feed of my life. (I was into that whole voyeur thing on iFriends, a soft/hardcore adult site. don't lecture me though--I chickened out before my first broadcast lol) So anyways, whenever we talk I always feel amazingly comfortable and free and even sexy.. so it's kind of like a drug. But then, being with him makes me end up doing things I don't want to do and he says things that hurt and generally I end up feeling like crap later. Josh seems to think that he's bad for me (with good reason), but you know how I am. Like most girls my age, I don't want anybody telling me what to do with my life or who to hang out with or who to see, whatever. That's my choice, I figure. But even so, people who are bad for you are pretty obvious.

Anyway, I'm off to dinner.. later.