Both my nerves and patience are quickly waxing thin. Last night I couldn't sleep at all.. I'd taken a nap around 6 and ended up sleeping until 10, then I couldn't sleep at all and stayed up til 6am, then fell asleep around 6:45 or so and woke up at noon today. Sleeping pattern's off. Feeling shitty blah. Wanting to yell or scream or kick things or at least releive the stress that's building up inside me like harmful fumes that need to escape before explosion. I need to vent out loud.

I just feel so freaking annoyed at the tiniest things and holding that has pretty much sapped my energy. Can't even think up a way to let it all out so I just hold it here, which is pretty stupid but whatever.

Anyways, about life these days:

I have an RA interview in South Quad tomorrow afternoon at 3. That's 30 mins after class ends so I'm gonna check makeup and just go straight over there nonstop. Then I need to hop back in the car and drive out to Josh's (in rush hour traffic) to be with him on his birthday. We're prolly just gonna get dinner and perhaps see a movie or something.. not sure. But anyway, just gonna do that then come home and go to class wednesday then drive out there and spend the night at his place so I can drop him off here in A^2 at his advising appointment on Thursday.. then after my classes I have to take him home and zip back here for work.. prolly got a paper to type up as well... Then Friday is work, lab, class, etc then making up for tomorrow night's missed work. I think Josh wants me out again on Saturday to hang with him again as well. What a freakin' week.

That's what the days are like around here, so you can imagine why I'm in such a pissy mood most of the time.

I'm still worried that my feelings about my relationship with Josh won't change and I'll end up resenting him more because we're always together on his birthday but never on mine. It's nobody's fault really, but it does suck ass. I kind of feel underappreciated but then I feel guilty and that just makes things worse. Ugh. It's depressing me even more than all this other stuff and I wish he and I could have more time to spend with each other where he didnt want to be on the computer or in front of the tv or with his friends--time other than us in bed together, talking or something interesting that would help me know that we still value each other for ourselves, you know? It's so frustrating to be in a relationship where your lover is just used to you and you get pushed into the schedule along with everything else.

Time to drown sorrows in chocolate and episodes of The Simpsons off my computer.