It's not getting better, these feelings.

I think I am depressed.

You know, I actually thought about suicide--didn't consider it, just contemplated it. What would the world be like without me? It might be that much better. Came to a conclusion, though: that's a dumb way out. Stupid. I mean, who's to say I won't get hit by a bus Final-Destination-style tomorrow morning crossing the street on the way back to WQ? I should at least let God decide whatever.

I talked to a panel of LGBT people in my PULSE meeting last night. Sometimes it seems like they market LGBT as some sort of disease we all need to be extra aware of... It just seems to me that it's a choice. I don't want to debate you or read your hate mail so bugger off about that; I'm tired of being called a homophobe just for feeling differently. Whatever. Anyway, I told the LBGT panel that I thought homosexuality was a sin, but that we all sin in different ways so who am I to call your sin worse than mine when I'm in the same jail cell with you? And their faces immediately plummeted. So now I have the entire gay communtity after me with pitchforks and torches.. yay. I guess my ideas make me a bad person but I can't bring myself to think any differently about that.

Josh and I are "separated", if you will, because I need a break. I'm just so fucking frustrated from everything that's going around.. I'm quitting my job and getting a loan for school despite what my parents say.. they won't help in this area so they can just leave me alone.

I'm angry for some reason I dont understand and I want to talk about it but I dont so whatever... I think I will go to sleep again.