I feel washed out today, tired, like an old smelly wet rag.

This morning I woke up and realized that I couldn't move my car because I didn't have my car keys. And I couldn't re-enter my dorm because my brother who had driven me here last night still had my keys and M-card, what I need to get in the dorm. You know me; I totally freaked out this morning and must've called him like 12 times so he'd wake up. Sure enough he did and brought my stuff back, so it all worked out.

Even still, I feel shitty.

And I kind of feel pathetic. I've been begging Josh to let me see him this evening after he gets off work, which I totally know I shouldn't do when I'm the one who said I need a break and all.. I know that it's totally pathetic and that makes me a loser, but whatever. I'm mostly trying to convince myself that all I need is to be alone and not bother him or anyone else with my issues right now, but it's hard being so damned lonely. I don't even have the desire to talk to anyone else right now.

It gets easier and easier to understand why it is that people kill themselves. Geez, living is so damned hard.

I think I'll take a shower soon.