I know that I've screwed up the college experience and stuff.. I didn't join enough teams or clubs, I don't have an official boyfriend that my parents know about.. I don't have a ton of friends that I hang out with on a daily basis. I don't know what I want to do with my life that will make me super rich and prestigious later on. I major in English which probably won't help me get a good job, and I don't have any prospects lined up for after graduation. My gpa sucks. I will be in debt. I went to an expensive school.

So we've fucking said all that a million times. Can't we just move on?

How come it's so hard to get support from you no matter what happens? I know I keep screwing up and you do'nt trust me, so if you feel that way just cut me off completely and tell me to go to hell so if I want to I can kill myself without feeling guilty about what will happen to you.. you complain that I cost you so much money and pain and heartache but you say I can't kill myself cuz that would hurt you too.. but you won't let me deal with getting better and feeling better about myself because you still think i'm a failure.. you say it's not your fault that I feel this way about myself but you continually say that you don't think I'm good enough, that my decisions are all wrong and that I could have done things better.. well I'm trying.. you never went away to school and you're doing what you want, which didnt necessarily make you a ton of money so why shouldn't I be able to do what I want? Why does it even matter? Why can't you just let me live sometimes without making me feel even worse about stuff than I already do?

I want to be sterilized.

I want to be an editor or something but my mom doesn't think that pays enough money and it's not a good job. She wants me to be a lawyer but I don't want to do that either. So she said if I major in English I have to stay three extra semesters and get some education hours so I can have a job while I'm starving since I obviously won't have a job because of my majoring in English. I hate how she belittles the things I like and want to do.. I hate her sometimes too.

I pretty much hate me on a daily, hourly, second-ly basis too. Fuck us all.

And I'm in the midst of a pregnancy scare, but that was my own dumb fault.